You knew it was coming, the call for the musicians Men at Work to put the band back together and write an anthem for today’s office environment. Especially as we check our news blogs or open the paper wondering, “Who Can It Be Now?”
We could have tons of fun reading modern-day meanings into these 1980s song titles considering our intense focus on workplace harassment (Men at Work also sings “It’s a Mistake” and “No Restrictions”). But instead (if you can quiet the musical ear worm now invading your skull), let’s focus on the men at work as we know them today.
The man who complimented a woman on her new boots and wonders if he went too far. The man who raised his voice to a woman out of frustration over a missed deadline and fears charges. The man who offered a hug to a female colleague and berates himself for the gesture, fearful for how it may have been perceived.
I’ve been coaching male clients on how to navigate the murky waters of an actual (or potential) HR investigation. After a career as a human resources leader, having led too many of these investigations myself, I know the questions we ask, why we ask them, and how these things play out.
If you ask men at work today, they’ll tell you things are just different. The workplace has changed – for them as well as for women. If you are concerned about how your behaviors are being perceived, here are a few suggestions from your culture coaches at WorkJoy to help you manage the situation, maintain your confidence, and contribute positively to the evolving workplace. (Note – these tips work just as well for women as they do for men. We’re all human.)
Pause and think. If you are concerned about how you might react in a situation, stop – before you talk or act. Take a breath. Step back as needed and postpone the conversation or meeting. Give yourself the time to think through what you’ll say, how you’ll say it, and what you’ll do – based on your knowledge of the audience and context. The “pause and think” approach works especially well when there’s a lot of swirling emotion. You’re frustrated, disappointed, or just downright upset about something at work. It’s OK to have emotion…give yourself the time to process it. And even if you aren’t emotional about the conversation, pausing and thinking gives you time to strategize how to achieve the desired outcome most effectively – for all involved.
Document. OK, you didn’t pause and think. You spoke and acted. If you are concerned your words or behavior crossed a line, write down everything. As quickly as you can. What happened, when it happened, who was involved, who said what, etc. Documenting gives you context and helps you evaluate the situation more objectively. If the situation escalates up the corporate food chain, these notes will be invaluable. Most importantly, the act of writing spurs your learning.
Learn and adapt. Review what you said, how you said it, and how you acted. What can you learn from the situation? You may not have expected the reactions you received. Learn from them. You may have been surprised by your own ability to manage stressful conversations. Learn from this. Absorb the new information, assimilate the new insights, and make them part of your moving-forward approach to workplace interactions. You will become a more effective leader and a more compassionate colleague.
Own it. If you crossed a line, misread a situation, overlooked a cue, acknowledge it. Apologize. Recognize what you have learned from the situation. Commit to different behavior and be open to suggestions on how to adapt and improve. Your sincerity will make a difference.
I am inspired by those with the courage to share their workplace concerns. We are shedding a light on actions, attitudes, and activities that have lurked in the shadows. But as we tighten workplace policies, improve communication, increase empathy, and address inequities, let’s not allow the pendulum to swing so far to the other side as to knock to the ground those whose integrity is true.
Let’s help each other do more than just “know,” but really “understand” – through reflection, ownership, and behavior change. Let’s ignite coaching cultures where it’s safe to speak up and ask questions, where curiosity leads to breakthroughs, and where dialogue is robust and productive, yet transparent and compassionate. Let’s hold each other to higher expectations and create environments that support them.
Who can it be now, transforming the workplace for the good of all? YOU.
Tina Schust Robinson
CEO | WorkJoy, LLC
